Are You Being 'Good' or Are You Being 'Loving'?

November 11, 2014 10:27 PM

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Many of us grew up in households where our profound needs for love and safety were not met. We did not feel safe and loved in the face of disapproval, criticism, rejection, abandonment, smothering, engulfment, physical abuse, sexual abuse. We did not feel safe when there was yelling, fighting, violence, substance abuse.

We had to do something to feel safe. Some of us figured out that we could have some control over our parents' or other caregivers' behavior if we were really good, if we attempted to do everything right. We figured out that if we disconnected from ourselves, from our own feelings and stayed acutely ...

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