"This is your first column, what are you going to do? What will you write? How will you introduce yourself? Don't let it sound too childish or self-pitying. Be brave and spill your guts in front of everyone, just keep your privacy and that of your family and friends. Don't you dare over exaggerate with wild descriptions, but don't just write down dry facts."
Dry facts? That's just not me -- you can ask my doctors for some though. If they introduced me it would probably sound like this: