How I've Survived the Sudden Death of My Parents

January 23, 2015 8:33 PM

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I was 14 when my parents were murdered. I had no idea how to process their death, let alone the way they died. So I buried it all. I moved in with my eldest sister and her family, started a new high school and acted like everything was fine. I smiled a lot, made a bunch of new friends and mastered the art of shifting any conversation about parents to some other topic. After high school, I went to a good college, made lots more friends and continued to hide the fact that I was an orphan as much as I could. About once a year, triggered by a conversation or too many drinks or the sheer inability to suppress the grief anymore, I'd sob myself raw for hours and hours and then get back to acting like all was okay.

This was how I coped. This was how I survived. This was how I kept myself from turning to drinking and drugs and deciding that life was too fucked up to care about anything. I buried the pain. Actually, I didn't consciously do anything. It's as though the pain buried itself to protect me, to keep me...

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