How to Tell If You're in the Wrong Relationship

January 16, 2015 11:09 PM

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I'm a big believer in relationships. I don't often encounter couples for whom I think the outlook is hopeless. Granted, some relationships are bad for both parties. What attracts people to one another can be the very defenses that hold them back in life -- for instance, the shy, indecisive person who chooses a loud, dominant partner. Often in this dynamic, the couple becomes polarized. The shy person retreats further, becoming more invisible in his or her life, while the more assertive partner takes control and directs their lives. However, just rejecting your partner does not solve the underlying issue for either of you. Facing and challenging the defenses that lead you to choose the partners you do is the important task to breaking this pattern.

Changing how you interact with your partner, for instance, speaking up more if you are the "quiet one," will begin to shift the dynamics in your relationship. I have long believed that the best setting for developing relationship skills and breaking defenses against love is in the context of a close...

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