"I hate the way I look -- I wish my mom would have instilled more confidence in me." Or, "I suck at sports. Great job teaching me the basics, dad." And how about, "I'm too freakishly neurotic to ever find peace in my life... God, my parents really screwed me up."
Maybe all of that is true. No one gets to choose their parents. (Although I imagine an even more catastrophic world if that were the case.)