'Survivor' recap: 'It Will Be My Revenge'

March 5, 2015 5:19 AM

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I’ve never been to a nude beach. Nor will I ever. I mean, I honestly don’t understand the appeal. There’s always just, like, stuff hanging out everywhere. Dude stuff. Chick stuff. Just way too much stuff in general. And your choices pretty much suck: You either look at it and you come off like a perv, or you don’t look at it and you come off like a sexually repressed perv. It’s a no-win situation. Plus, let’s be honest—not all the merchandise belongs in the display window, if you catch my drift. Speaking of which, I know people don’t want to check out my stuff, so that adds a whole other layer of humiliation into the proceedings. A nude beach is my biggest nightmare.

I bring this up because everyone was getting naked this week on Survivor. Jenn and Hali had a hearing-people-only skinny dipping expedition, Max hides his face with a beard but left everything else out for show, and even Shirin went bottomless while bending over in all sorts of awkward positions whi...

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