Earlier in the summer, I found out I had been pretty close to having something that I have always wanted for my life with all my heart. And I think that slowly, without me even being aware of it, the pain of knowing that I could have had something I want so wholly -- and losing it -- swallowed up my even wanting it anymore. So I came to the place, subconsciously, where I didn't even want to want it anymore. I don't even want to hope for it anymore. And this had to have spilled over into all areas of my life. I subconsciously decided that it's better to not want at all than to hurt when you don't get it.
And so it makes sense that I have been terribly confused, stuck, and unsure over the past few months. I have been completely unclear about what decisions to make for my life; I haven't really felt like my life has been my own. I feel like I've been on autopilot. How can I move forward in any area of...
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