A Simple Question That Will Change Your Search for Love

December 5, 2014 11:18 PM

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Most dating advice focuses on the skills of seeking, not the skills of loving. Apps, events and websites offer endless opportunities for meeting, but as I describe in Deeper Dating: How to Drop The Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy, until we learn how to choose healthy intimacy and nurture its tender new shoots, it's unlikely we'll find the love we seek. When we approach our search for love as an intimacy journey, not as a race against time or a search for a needle in a haystack, everything changes.

In my decades of seeking a relationship, I spent incalculable hours looking for love in places that lacked love, using methods that had little to do with love. Play it cool. Act witty. Conceal all traces of unseemly need. As much as I tried -- and God knows, I tried -- nothing seemed to work. I was ...

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