Saying Goodbye to My Former Best Friends | Allison Hudson

February 25, 2015 7:16 PM

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Saying Goodbye to My Former Best Friends | Allison Hudson

My three closest companions in active addiction were Alcohol, Justification and Rationalization. With them, I could do anything and be okay with it. Non-alcoholics don't need to justify or rationalize their drinking, so the fact that I was constantly using them to continue drinking should have been a clue that I had a problem. Unfortunately, my brain was so far from reality that I didn't see anything as a clue to the problem. My addiction was stronger than any logic or reason. As my life spiraled more and more out of control, I would use any coping mechanism to try and make sense of why I was drinking -- and why I couldn't stop even when I wanted to. I had exhausted every excuse imaginable as to why I was drinking like I was. I would tell myself that I wasn't hurting anyone else, which was a lie. I thought, "If you had my life, you would drink too," when in fact, my life was in shambles because of my drinking, not the other way around. My blood alcohol level was .24 when I got arrested for a DUI. I brushed it off as no big deal because let's face it: Everyone gets DUIs. Right? Wrong. But not all my excuses were dreadful ones. Oh, no... not at all. I drank when things were going well, too. I didn't discriminate. Any reason I could give to drink, I would.

I wanted so desperately to be "normal" and have the ability to control my drinking if and when I wanted to, but I didn't. There are so many vicious cycles that come along with addiction. Drinking to forget what I did the night before while I was drinking was one of them, a cycle that continued for y...

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