Thanksgiving without my grandpa at the head of the table, yelling for my grandma to stop making more food and join us. It felt uncomfortable, sitting at my usual seat at the kids' table, surrounded by family but missing our patriarch. The food tasted a little less and there was a quiet ache in my chest just thinking about what was and what is now. Things had been busy and stressful and I don't think I prepared myself well for a holiday without Grandpa. This first family dinner without.
I don't know if it ever gets better or you just get used to living with the discomfort, the dull hurt that is always there whether you're thinking about it or not.