Recap: 'Survivor: San Juan Del Sur' Premiere - 'Suck It Up and Survive'

September 25, 2014 2:14 AM

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Recap: 'Survivor: San Juan Del Sur' Premiere - 'Suck It Up and Survive'

Arrivals. Welcome to the start of "Survivor: Seriously Anybody Other Than John Rocker" or, as CBS seems to want to call it, "Survivor: San Juan Del Sur," or "Survivor: Blood vs Water - Newbies Edition." As usual, Jeff Probst arrives via helicopter, scaring the nine pairs of loved ones down on the beaches. Once again, each pair is in isolation, where they've been given flint and told to prepare and enjoy a night together. Jaclyn is Ms Michigan, while Jon played football at Michigan State, but they don't want to be viewed as threatening. And speaking of "threatening," Veteran media-blamer (and current member of the media) John Rocker blames the media for labeling him a bigot, while Julie doesn't want to be judged for her boobs. [Oh yeah! We've got monkeys!] Missy and Baylor are the first to experience my new favorite simian characters. Missy is frequently divorced and Baylor stands behind her, especially when it comes to avoiding monkeys. Brothers Drew and Alec have a rivalry, with Alec wanting to beat his big bro. Farmer Dale and daughter Kelly have had an up-and-down relationship, but they're hoping to get close again. Josh and Reed are already making fire and catching crabs, which may stem from Reed's first Valentine's Day gift of flint. Married Val and Jeremy are competitive about their emergency professions and the game. And as for Nadiya and Natalie? They're praying. It appears Natalie had bleached the end of her hair so that I can recognizer her. And then there are amusingly bickering Louisiana firefighters Keith and Wes, who are having trouble with getting fire going.

Tearing families apart. The next morning, the duos arrive at an arena of some sort, where they're greeted by Jeff Probst. Reed & Josh weren't surprised they could make fire. Wes & Keith get laughs and make excuses for their myriad failures. The Twinnies immediately admit to their "Amazing Race" back...

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