Real Reason You Get Attracted to People Who Are So Different

November 11, 2014 9:14 PM

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Relationships aren't just about togetherness and connection. They are also about the spaces of separateness. While togetherness time promotes greater understanding and connection between both partners, the times between experiences of connection are just as important to the health and sustainment of the relationship. When partners are together, they naturally tend to be attentive (in varying degrees) to the needs, concerns, and experiences of each other. This attentiveness is not only essential to the well-being of any relationship, but it is a natural aspect of the process of relating verbally or non-verbally, to another person. Since it's not possible to direct our attention to more than one thing at a time, when we are doing this (focusing on another's words, behavior, desires, concerns, needs, or outward behavior), there can be a tendency to de-prioritze our own experience. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. Too much attention to self can be as problematic (although it creates different problems) as too much attention to another. The former can promote excessive self-centeredness and an exaggerated sense of self-importance and a tendency to be pre-occupied with our own desires, while the latter predisposes us to neglect or diminish the importance of our own needs in favor of those of others.

Some of us are inclined to focus our attention on our partner, sometimes to the point at which we lose ourselves in the process, often resulting in neglecting essential needs and concerns that require our attention. This is often done in the hope or with the expectation that our partner will recipro...

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