My Grandma Is 90, and She Would Never Spend $15 on an 'Effing Bottle of Grass'

August 29, 2014 3:49 PM

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My Grandma Is 90, and She Would Never Spend $15 on an 'Effing Bottle of Grass'

Head back, feet up, glasses on: My grandma sits in her barker lounger doing the newspaper's crossword puzzle while simultaneously responding to the game show host (correctly, I might add) quicker than the contestants. This is usually how she ends her days, which consist of shopping for her beloved grandchildren, swimming at her community pool, playing cards with friends, and eating meals mostly consisting of tuna salad on a bed of greens with Milano cookies for desert. She'll probably remain horizontal for the rest of the day unless she gets up to refill her diet soda. She's never done a liver detox or a sugar cleanse, and for all she knows the words "spirulina and turmeric" are a foreign language, yet she's energetic, sharp as a tack, stubborn as a bull, and overweight -- and did I mention she's close to 90 years old?

I have tremendous respect for the many self-proclaimed health gurus who make it their life's goal to improve the wellness of others; however, I have also come to realize the pathetic irony I have foolishly and naively been submissive to on my own personal quest for optimum wellness. I read articles ...

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