Jimmy Kimmel's Fake Reality Show Leaves Contestants Deeply Confused In The Best Way

November 7, 2014 6:49 PM

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You will not be making any because no-one is ever here to make friends. If you ever hope to achieve anything in life you must be prepared to jettison pretty much everyone and everything you care about in pursuit of your goals. That includes school friends, family, pets, lovers, food, sleep and anything else which might threaten your focus. If you're not prepared to trample every single one of them underfoot then (gasp) maybe you just don't want this enough... And as Jade from America's Next Top Model wisely opined, this is America's Next Top Model, not America's Next Top Best Friend.

You are nothing without a tragic backstory. This means there is absolutely no value in being shy or ethically conflicted when it comes to pillaging your personal history for anecdotes of woe that might help you get ahead. Obviously you should aim for media-friendly tragedies if possible -- nothing u...

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