The moment this awareness hit me was days after learning of a friend's death. I avoided doing something that would have been beneficial and healthy for me because "I didn't feel up to it." I am not sure why the reality of having just used my friend's death as an excuse woke me up to how deep I was in the hole of using excuses, but it did. I was wide awake.
As if my life was flashing before my eyes, I saw how using excuses had kept me playing small since I was 4 years old. Worse, I saw how I had taken those excuses as a fact, without questioning or even considering examining the truth to the excuse. In my mind, it was real.