Fifty Shades of Grey Is a Great Dating Guide

February 25, 2015 1:10 PM

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Fifty Shades of Grey Is a Great Dating Guide

Over the past month, Fifty Shades of Grey has gone from a passé novel described as the “eighth-grade gurglings” of a horny housewife to a movie production anticipated mostly by dread and boredom and preceded by a self-undermining press tour to an actual movie that actual people are seeing in historic droves—the biggest February movie in American history. And it’s even getting applauded, in part because the move to screen excised most of E L James’s excruciating prose. The entire 500-page book takes place within Anastasia Steele’s internal monologue—it’s sort of the Ulysses of lovestruck virgins—but the movie has no narration.

But Ana’s neurotic stream-of-consciousness was the only thing I liked about the books—to the point that I skipped most of the sex scenes. Truth is, Fifty Shades is a horrible book about sex. But it’s a great book about dating, and the way that early-stage romance turns you into a self-conscious, sel...

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