The past two weeks have been overwhelming and intense, not just because of constant scheduling adjustments, increased work commitments, and a subsequent lack of downtime, but also because I am fully present for the first time in over a decade. I have been without weed for six weeks and without alcohol for four weeks. My empathic skills have overgrown and I am experiencing this assaultive and stimulating world at intolerably visceral levels. I have no stomach for violence whether real or dramatized, and the multitude of injustices in the news resonate in deeply troubling ways. I require radio silence while driving, especially on the freeway. The din of noise in my head has gotten louder than ever now that I have removed the means to numb the cacophony.
"You're exposing your vulnerability too publicly." "Your depression is not as severe as others' so your story is not worthwhile." "Get in bed, pull the covers up, and don't come out until you're rational."