April 13, 2015 3:41 AM
Battles over finances are common and frequently brutal. They don’t have to be.
Money is one of the biggest sources of marital discord—and it can be one of the toughest to resolve.
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April 13, 2015 3:50 AM
I am the hoarder, she is the spender. I find that she enables me to spend a bit more on certain creature comforts that I would never have done on my own and she has learned to not spend quite so much and to ask "do I really need this" . I believe you can never have enough cash. As I was a contractor for many years, then a student, you learn that there are feast and famine cycles in your life. I found that establishing a conservative lifestyle and saving any extra provided safety when times came up tight. I have a more stable income these days, but still live the conservative lifestyle which quite frankly suits me. What I particularly like about my lifestyle is IF I want something I can go get it. I am impossible to buy for as a result because I want so few things and get them so quickly that someone who buys something for me had best have a great imagination, which thankfully doesn't happen very often.
April 13, 2015 3:48 AM
Terry - a prenup on a second marriage protects the kids. We both have significant assets and income - good lawyer (s) will make it fair and protect pre- existing assets for the part of my life he was not involved and I was not involved in his. His children should be the beneficiary of that portion of those assets my family for mine. When our dating got serious - unromantic as it sounds we showed tax returns and discussed assets. It is all about transparency and trust.How to protect yourself from moral damage - very tricky.
April 13, 2015 3:47 AM
Jon - same thing here. Four kids - the bookends have every penny they earned and the middles spend at will. They all had the same personalities from birth. The good thing is they all work hard - I'll take that.
April 13, 2015 3:45 AM
Simple solution - don't get married. Then you can spend or save your money anyway you'd like.
April 13, 2015 3:44 AM
My parents split up over money issues
April 13, 2015 3:43 AM
When the marital climate is not so sunny,First check the sex (then follow the money.)rhymes4ourtimes.com
This all seems basic. Little-Rich-Girl-marries-Poor-Guy-with-Promising-Future has been fodder for drama since forever.
Finances were a significant source of argument between me and my wife when we first got married. The best thing I ever did was come up with a budget. It provided a road map and illustrated to my wife how little flexibility was really there. Once we agreed to the numbers, there was little need for future argument. If she wanted to drop $500 on clothes one month, I couldn't say anything about it, but if her clothing allowance was spent by April, that was her problem. No argument needed. It was transformative in the way she thought about money. Although the numbers are much bigger now, and our spending patterns have changed, the only thing that has changed is that we now budget three years out.
April 13, 2015 3:42 AM
Maybe it was a childhood of poverty—or just the constant fear of poverty—that leaves a spouse hating to spend moneyThat was our case, and my wife had a similar background. Money was never a source of disagreement. We both knew the importance of saving.Advice : do not marry above or below you
In California she can always get a divorce and ransack his net worth for everything.
"For example, early in the marriage, she wanted to buy a couch. That caused stress in the relationship. “There was a lot of conflict around money, "
Have seen all sorts of arrangements work - as long as couples agree and stick to agreements they work out - and sometimes those agreements are worked out with a lot of commotion. There are usually several financial phases in a marriage (and who is making what income underlies the phases) - pre-child, children in the home, children dependent but out of home, post-children, and retirement - and all are somewhat different and may require one more negotiation. Husband and I have very different ideas about discretionary spending. What worked for us is agreeing on how we contribute to joint expenses (lots of commotion here) and keeping the rest to save/invest as we wished.
April 13, 2015 3:41 AM
The article focuses on how to get everybody to feel good. I suggest a better approach would be, "What are your financial goals together? If you don't have any, how can I help you figure some out, formulate some plans and implement them?" If people don't have any financial goals there can be no plans and no strategy.
"Money is one of the biggest sources of marital discord."It's also the biggest source of discord in government and politics.
At least we don't have their problems. Before we got married, over 35 years ago, we discussed our entire financial plan, including where we wanted to end up in retirement (now). It worked. We started out in the bottom 20% and now are quite comfortable. We were both savers from the start. Both of us still have Pendleton shirts we had in high school and they have lasted just fine. We review finances at least quarterly, our wills, trusts, POA's and all other paperwork is up to date. The kids know they will get a portion but also know a majority is to be given away.