Cancer Killed My Father, Now Me?

July 16, 2014 4:47 PM

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Cancer Killed My Father, Now Me?

I can't handle it. Just send me off quietly tonight. I feel tired and will fall asleep soon. Please let it be the last time. I am done. The pain is too much. The thoughts are too overwhelming. The worry of how I will die is unbearable. I don't want to go the way you did. I watched as your exhaustion took over. I remember mom getting you ice bags every day to try and numb the phantom pains. I remember all of the medications you took. I remember your legs going out on you. There you were, all of a sudden paralyzed from the waist down. Your legs turned into sticks. I remember everything that happened up until your last breath, and even that seemed physically difficult for you.

I'm laying here dad, in pain. Help me. I'm not as strong as you were. Frankly, I don't want to be. You have to make sure this is not the same for me. I feel it happening. Scans don't show a normal human digestive system anymore, but a bowl of mashed up spaghetti and meatballs. "Doc, you say, those a...

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