The Best Kept Secret to Intimacy: Vulnerability

October 29, 2014 3:16 PM

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The Best Kept Secret to Intimacy: Vulnerability

Why is falling in love scary? Why do people often shut down in the face of intimacy? Because of an intense fear of vulnerability. Dr. Brene Brown, Professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, explains this phenomenon: "Vacillating between I am here and I love you... and I'm going to reveal my innermost to you... and I am scared to death that you'll reject me." Ironically, the vulnerability we try desperately to avoid may be the key to a successful relationship. Research shows that the quality that makes a relationship last is its degree of affection and affection implies vulnerability.

In a previous post, I described the critical health impact of social connections and relationships. Brown, an expert on social connection, conducted thousands of interviews to discover the root of deep social connection. A thorough analysis of the data revealed what it was: vulnerability. Vulnerabil...

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