The Bachelor Recapped By Someone Who Has Actually Been To Iowa, Unlike Any of the Contestants

February 10, 2015 8:18 PM

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We open with Kelsie having a fake panic attack while the other women gaze at her unmoved. She is trying to make sure that Chris doesn't dump her after she insisted that Chris isn't going to dump her. Kelsie looks sly and sneaky beneath her oxygen mask, which is no small feat, but this is the woman who's an unlikable young widow, so she has skillz with a Z. Chris bends over Kelsie on the floor, and she tries to imply that he made her faint by telling the other women that she shared her widow story with him. Master manipulator strikes again.

Kelsie says, "The wave of all the emotions was too much and I fainted." Hello, Simon and Schuster? Get this woman a book deal. She is so eloquent. Whitney doubts that Chris will give Kelsie a rose for fainting, which shows that she is a fool, because anyone who faints gets a rose. Chris obviou...

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