‘The Bachelor’: The mujeres yell all

March 5, 2014 2:20 AM

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‘The Bachelor’: The mujeres yell all

So, here’s how these “Women Tell All” specials are supposed to work: Chris Harrison comes out and blah blahs about some made-up thing called “Bachelor Nation” and we drive around on a party bus “surprising” “viewing parties” before returning to the studio where a dozen of the rejects who we might kinda sorta remember if we squint hard enough come out and immediately begin attacking one other for being “fake” or “two-faced” or not being on the show “for the right reasons,” there are some montages, some of the women go sit on Chris Harrison’s Couch of Serious Questions, and then the Bachelor comes out to be yelled at by only the most recently rejected women before we get a blooper reel and a glimpse at the finale. And then I spend the next day trying to decipher layers of shrieking and coming up with ha-has while also somehow conveying to you, the reader, all of these idiots’ imagined grievances.

However, somewhat remarkably this season the women all seem to get along, with the notable exception of Niña de Papá and Nurse Nikki, our remaining contestants. And so, with no Ti-Polar or Villainess to take their rejection, embarrassment and disappointment out on, this season, the ladies have turne...

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