Lifetime achieved the best and worst possible results with "The Unauthorized 'Saved by the Bell' Story," a TV movie that premiered last night: It wasn't exactly a cringe-inducing retelling of Dustin Diamond's memoir about his time as Screech on "Saved by the Bell," but it wasn't titillating or scandalous either. The movie had the stench of looming legal ramifications, as if the producers were terrified of Tiffani(-Amber) Thiessen and Mario Lopez arriving with defamation suits at any moment. (That makes sense considering the original memoir contains its fair share of serious accusations.) Subsequently, the only cast member with any dirt to spill was Diamond, whose woes were still pretty mundane as depicted. In other words: We weren't so excited or so scared, and we needed a few hundred caffeine pills just to stay awake during this damn movie.
But we did pick up a few interesting tidbits from the two-hour Bayside biopic. Here are the main takeaways.